In Search of CFNM
I was warned before I went. Don't do it. It's too unpredictable. You might come back with nothing. You might get arrested.
How much does this guy hate looking like a 12 year old? I picked Trevor (aka Barnaby) because he's always boasting about his ability with the ladies. We'll see.
Alan is Spanish and speaks 4 languages. He's also about the same size as Trevor and has recently been working in Ibiza.
Imagine if we'd got on the wrong flight. CFNM in Menorca?
Alan making a last ditch attempt to allow international roaming on his phone. Trevor getting worried?
Our base is San Antonio. Shortly after landing we are at Bar M on the beach front. All the bars are open air and have dancing girls. No dancing males! Bar M specialises in female sihouette dancers.
This picture isn't quite fair. The place looks empty but infact both balconies and downstairs are busy.
Must stop using those night vision goggles. Alan, Trevor and I are excited to be in Ibiza at last. What will happen?
2 Jack Daniels & Cokes later and Trevor is already plastered. And desperate to get his rocks off.
Alan falling about laughing. He's been looking over the balcony at girls and trying to weigh them up as potential CFNM enthusiasts.
Several girls brandishing whips descend on the bar to promote "Lashed" at the Eden nightclub. We're all keen to get down to some CFNM fun so Trevor challenges one to whip his bare arse in public!
She feels it necessary to twist up her whip before using it. Alan later has alot to say about that tactic.
We only landed an hour ago and already Trevor's dropped 'em!
Watch this! I should tell you a small crowd had gathered behind me on the street by this stage.
Have you seen those 3 girls? They just wanted to see a bloke get whipped by a woman!
The whip curls around Trevors groin, catching him with the end of it.
She's not happy and wants another go. Ah! Look at those 2 on the steps.
On the right Alan's already getting jealous and negotiating with the girls for them to whip him!
Look at that girl in the middle. She's beside herself!
Lucky the whip didn't catch his dick too.
Do you think the girls are enjoying this? Beats looking at girls sihouette dancing.
She asks me if it was alright. In retrospect if she wants my opinion she should've got him stark naked and tied him to a post for all the women to use for the whole night. Why do I always think of these things too late?
Unseemly excitement develops at the prospect of whipping little Alan's bare behind!
What do you suppose that guy in the background on the right is thinking?
A first effort. But she's not stopping now.
Quite right. She needs more skin to aim at. We're entertaining the tables in the background too.
Not happy with that one either, she wants another go.
Alan's rather more experienced and wants everyone to know it.
Now for the hard mistress to take it out on Alan's behind.
She's going to whack Alan into next week.
Trevor wants to upstage Alan, so he drops his trousers and flashes his dick about.
Alan wants yet another spanking from the novice!
Trevor steps in to make sure Alan is suitably exposed. What a pal.
A gorgeous lady arrives in the middle and is captivated by the action.
Those 2 lads on the left have never seen anything like it.
I love the way she smiles so sweetly, and loves every minute of Alan's public spanking.
Are these boys jealous or petrified?
Trevor turns out to be a real wingeing Pom. (Australian expression for a complaining Brit). He shows me where the whip caught him just above the groin.
In actual fact there is blood on his tracksuit bottoms but what does he expect?
Of course he has to go and make a scene. Is he using it to get sympathy or is he really a wimp?
Quite rightly she doesn't give a toss about Trevor.
Checking out Trevor's bits.
How happy is Alan?
He does go on.
Treating Trevor's wound with the contempt it deserves.
Alan flashes his bum to show off his marks. Or just to show his bum really.
Alan's bum goes down well.
Alan's glad to have done something so soon. A good omen perhaps.
Now we're off to "Lashed" at Eden.
Outside Eden we meet Anne, who is selling shots of After-Shock and Redbull. Basically alcoholic cough medicine with added sugar and caffeine.
Trevor stupidly boasts about what we're here to do.
Trevor, getting naked in public with loads of girls around, good. Getting naked behind a large custard coloured block with one girl 10 feet away, bad.
Trevor then tries to arrange for a group of girls to watch him "bang one out" later in the week. Trevor, we're not at St Dunstans Boys School now, but there's no stopping him.
4am. Pupils like dinner plates. Trevor is convinced he's arranged a CFNM party for later in the week.
Inside the club I have to use night vision. It's not just scally lads who wave glow sticks around. Girls too.
With some public CFNM spanking under our belts we're in full swing. But the boys party too long and too hard and the majority of the next day is spent sleeping it off. As evening comes it's time to see what else Ibiza has to offer 3 CFNM fanatics.We're off to the island's legendary nightclub Amnesia, not before some pre-party drinks at a trendy beach bar.Even if "Cream" at Amnesia has no CFNM action, there's always the beach the next day. Would a crowded public beach welcome 3 naked men strolling amongst all those sunbathing beauties?
Pre-party drinks at the ever-so-trendy "Coastline Cafe" and what's this? 2 bikini clad babes dancing in a shallow pool down at the beachside bar.
That guy isn't typical. Most of the guys were watching the girls, but where are the dancing boys?
It struck me as odd that firstly there were only girls and secondly they were wearing so many clothes.
I asked them if they get nude later and they smiled and said they weren't allowed. How quaint?
The girls are good looking and capture the mood of the music and the atmosphere. But what on Earth are straight women to look at?
This is the reverse angle. The main bar is up some stairs, where Alan had a tete-a-tete with the promoter.
Alan is upset that the promoter of the club has declined Alan's offer of a free nude male show to entertain the ladies. No wonder the place was 70% men. We went on to Amnesia but they refused to let me in the with the camera and there was no CFNM chances there anyway. What a wash-out!
The next day. Oh it's sheer hell here. No we're not on the boat, we're another of the paupers looking at it from the beach.
You can never trust the internet! I read that Las Salinas is a nude beach but everyone has clothes on and we're not impressed.
I say that we should get naked anyway but Trevor's concerned about all the families. We agree that at the first sign of nudity we'll strip.
The beach is about 1.5 miles long. Apparently the nude part is at the far end so off we trek.
Then out of nowhere, a vision. Lads, it's a nude man. A solitary nude man but that's all we need. Time to get them off!
Alan putting on a brave face but I'm sure he's a bag of nerves.
Trevor bravely drops them without hesitation.
I should say at this point that there's no way I was going to let them have all the attention so I strip off my bottom half. This leaves me wearing just a "Film Crew" T-shirt to let people know how important I am.
With shorts not even past his knees Alan's already getting female admirers.
Alan loves his work.
With Trevor leading it turns out we are THE ONLY nude people on the beach apart from that man we saw...who, like an oasis, has disappeared.
As we walk there are female eyes staring at us from all over.
A band of buff boys are here to promote a club, but which group will get more attention?
He points out that I've no trousers on. Damn! I must've forgotten them.
As we reach more populated parts of the beach students of body language will spy that Trevor clearly feels uncomfortable.
Normally he'd be whistling and making comments to a group of girls like this.
Something wrong with your ear Trevor?
That lad who passed may have the abs. But we're naked and he isn't. Ha!
She looks away pretending she's not interested and then...
Definately something up with Trevor's ears. No, he's just very embarrassed.
Trevor is so self-conscious at this point he almost walks into this young lady.
Red bikini on the left.
Must be Trevor's shoes she's looking at.
First ears and now his sunglasses! The lady in the white's certainly enjoying the scene.
This is a heavily populated part, and we're the only nude people!
Afternoon ma'am.
This guy tries to join in but can only muster a half-arsed moonie.
Hello girls.
Strolling past a packed beach bar like it's a Saturday afternoon in the centre of town.
I think Trevor's beginning to enjoy this.
Finally and at the very far end, we discover the nudist part. A tiny cove. But the people are the friendliest so far and pleased to see us.
As the beach has come to an end we decide to turn back, expecting the same muted response for our return journey. Little did we know that while we'd been walking we'd pricked people's imaginations.
Almost back to the bar and from nowhere this girl comes running around us, laughing.
Alan and Trevor suddenly become overwhelmingly embarrassed. They carry on walking and I have to tell them to stop.
I can't work out what she's doing but she's talking to her friends.
It turns out she is eager for a photo with the boys but is too shy to ask. Her plan was to run over to us as her friend took her picture!
But we're happy to pose properly, aren't we lads?
She comes back for another photo but she can't drag her eyes away from Alan's swinging cock and balls!
Have you ever seen such excitement!
Alan and Trevor are at a complete loss. They are dumb with embarrassment while she is laughing at the scene.
Again her friend takes a picture but Trevor and Alan have no idea how to behave.
She's a little thrown. Fancy having 2 naked boys to play with all of a sudden.
She asks her friend to take another picture.
The lads are petrified, old red banger in the background. What a picture?
The girls cannot stop giggling and I ask them if they'd like to see more naked men. Yeah! Is the overwhelming reply.
Her friend takes her picture...
...and then she returns to her beach towel.
Gotcha! The typical face of a photographer who's just taken a nudey picture.
She approves of being able to see the boys' goods.
Naked dicks are so funny.
They decide they want a proper picture with the boys.
Guess who offers to take the photo?
I can only guess but I'm sure that both Trevor and Alan are overwhelmed by this experience. These normally outgoing lads look so scared.
The girls are thrilled with their photos...
...but before we can take a breath another girl runs up and poses with us!
Out of the corner of my eye I try to see who's taking the picture...
Her boyfriend!
We attempt to go into the bar but we're shouted at,
by an old man, presumably the owner, who has been watching us. I wonder what his problem is?
He's not waving. He's telling us to "fuck off" in Spanish.
Trevor puts on his shorts and re-enters the bar while we stay outside. But the girls aren't finished with us.
I wonder how many of the girls' friends and relatives are going to be gazing upon Alan's cock and balls over the next months and years?!
And suddenly Alan realises what's just happened.
I turn around and a girl in a yellow top is waiting to join in.
Once again it's the boyfriend, left, taking the picture. The other guy must be a voyeur like me.
That's more like it, and Alan's dick begins to grow.
There's no let up for Alan as the first girl decides she wants a photo on her camera too.
Keeping a beady eye on us. He could've set up his bar anywhere he wanted but he decided to do it on a clothes optional beach - and then moans when nude people try to use his bar to, er, buy drinks! Aren't humans odd?
Alan calls him "Papa Smurf" and thinks it's funny because, from the way the told us off in Spanish, it's clear he's completely confused by what we're doing.
Can't wait to take a look at their pictures.
I turn back around and...
Little Alan's really beginning to enjoy this now.
Just as I think they've had their fill...
I remember I'm half naked too.
Alan decides it might be a good idea to put his shorts on now...
...as Alan's penis doesn't know whether it's coming or going.
I spy one more naked man, this time in the process of changing his shorts.
We explain to Trevor what he missed while he was at the bar.
The couple, from earlier, girate to a man playing bongos. I think you get the picture.
We want to see if the boys receive the same attention if I'm not around them with the camera. Trevor, you'll get loads of attention if you keep playing with it!
This group in the foreground talk about the boys and each have sly looks over.
Black bikini on the left.
This girl had a photo with Alan, but now she wants one with Trevor too.
She blatantly compares their cocks!
She is pleased with both.
Once again, both boys are painfully embarrassed being naked with a confident clothed girl between them.
Look at Alan's face! She's not your Aunt!
But then maybe Alan can't handle so many eyes on him, overhearing their comments and the odd snigger.
The bongo man.
Trevor gets into the swing.
Once again we test if it's the camera or the boys.
No doubt it's the boys but maybe girls wouldn't feel comfortable taking pictures if I wasn't there with my camera too?
As well as continually adjusting his glasses, scratching his ears etc. off camera Trevor smokes like a chimney during all this.
This lady in the black.
At this point something strange happens. For some reason Trevor takes the camera and I end up infront of it. Shurely shum mishtake!
And another girl runs over for pictures.
But I'm still left carrying my shoes & the sodding camera-bag! By the way I've seen Alan's erect penis and my own and mine is bigger. Proof positive that flaccid length means nothing.
I can't get over how happy the girls are. I've seen clothed men pose with naked girls and they never look half as excited.
Guess who was taking her photo? That's right, her boyfriend.
Walking back through the main beach. This time we decide we won't put our clothes on until we see families.
I have to say I wasn't looking forward to writing this part of the tale.It seems that spontaneously getting naked in public, if the situation is right, is one thing, but soberly planning to do it in places where you will DEFINATELY cause a scene is not easy to get away with. As a result this part of our trip doesn't go according to plan and I am worried Part 3 may look more like holiday snaps!
The legendary Cafe Del Mar on Sunset Strip. This is where hundreds gather every dusk to watch our star 'melt into the sea'.
Allegedly this is somewhere to chillout before heading off for a bite to eat and then on to the nightclubs. Of course I'm itching to get the lads naked to see what happens in this atmosphere.
The Sun's gone down and out comes not 'Edward Scissorhands' but 'Edwina Firework-hands'
Trevor staring at the bizarre spectacle. We're all judging when and if we can get naked. If you can set fire to your fingers then nudity should be fine? But the venues are all chic cocktail bars where everyone's dripping in Versace.
And little did I know that the whole trip so far has given Trevor the willies.
A young semi-naked man, wrists bound, anxiously observing the woman behind him. I almost spilled my drink.
Furiously flaying fireballs around on the end of chains, sensibly secured to his wrists.
All very clever but not CFNM and, as it's still early, the lads don't feel comfortable or in a hurry to get naked. There's the 'bar crawl' to come after all.
The organised bar-crawl and I have high hopes of some stunning CFNM experiences. The first of hopefully many pub games and both Alan and Trevor volunteer.
2 rows of boys and girls. Boat race. Drink your drink then turn around and snog the person behind you. The process continues to the end of both lines. The winning team is the one that finishes all their drinks first.
Trevor gets stuck in but Alan doesn't understand the rules and gets his team disqualified. It turns out the reps are so shit scared of the trouble that happened just weeks earlier in the Greek resort of Faliraki, where the holiday reps were arrested for organising bar crawls, that this is the end of the bar games. Great huh?!
Fed up with the so-called 'bar crawl' Trevor and I turn into a shop specialising in day-glo. Trevor is convinced that this will attract the girls.
Doesn't everyone get undressed in full view of the shop?
Yes Trevor, I imagine the girls will be flocking when they see you like this.
Seems Trevor was almost right.
"Judgement Sunday" at 'Eden' with Judge Jules and more dancing girls.
You can just make out Trevor, surrounded by British youths and there's no way he feels comfortable getting naked here.
What does this look say to you? "Point that camera at me pal and I'm going to kill you?" or "Keep pointing that camera at me and I'll get naked" ? That's the sort of dilemma that kept the boys from doing anything in the end.
Overnight Trevor experiences a huge panic attack and cannot sleep. I knew he was anxious at the beach but a panic attack! He cannot make it to the boat trip to Formentera so it's just me and Alan. Here he is taking a kip on the 2 and a 1/2 hour (!) journey to the Island. I wonder what he's dreaming about because...
The Island of Formentera, billed as an official nudist beach. Not that you'd guess it.
Although popular with Germans there are NO nude men at all and we see one naked woman. All the better for us!
We can't wait to dive in the clear crystal water. It's a good job we remembered our Speedos...
Oh yeah, we didn't pack any.
We're careful the seagulls don't catch sight of us.
We scan the coast to see if there are any nude people at all.
There aren't.
In the small print it says nudity is legal so there shouldn't be any reaction from these 2 as Alan emerges from the water naked as the day he was born, ho ho!
Have you seen the lady on the right? It's like she's seen a ghost.
Do you remember the theme from Jaws?
How long did that take to get everyone's attention?
You've got to try this. I'd walked past them only 5 minutes earlier.
That's right, women don't like looking at men and find male genitals merely funny. Yeah right.
"Gooday."
They are transfixed on Alan's bare behind.
Alan's loving the attention as usual.
Hundreds of metres away I spy on Alan and see how women react. This girl in the foreground. The lady in the white shirt is yet to have the privilege!
Now she notices.
The lady sunbathing on the left turns her head for a bit of eye-candy.
Locking her eyes on him she follows Alan's butt down the beach.
The young lady with the bag.
The topless lady on the right turns to take-in the naked lad.
But being a mainly German crowd the overall sensation is more muted than at Las Salinas.
Alright lads? Jealousy and lust. Difficult to differentiate sometimes.
The next day I explain to Trevor what he missed and how we could've done with him. He says he would've sunbathed naked on the boat and chatted up loads of girls. So now the pressure is on to make up for it.
Alan insists we go to Playa D'En Bossa. A chilled out bar called Bora Bora where people are supposedly up for anything.
The beach bar is rammed 24/7. Beautiful girls aplenty.
Dance music pumps out with no breaks whatsoever. The floor, tabletops, beach are covered with girating bodies.
There are a few men with big pungent spliffs and, if you're sensitive to it, a small undercurrent of drug dealing on the beach adjacent to the bar. Sadly, rightly or wrongly, Brits like us associate that with agro.
Jets landing at nearby Ibiza Airport fly low over head.
Everyone turns to wave and welcome more like-minded souls.
We immerse ourselves in a fairly busy part of the crowd.
We're jostled, but when it's ladies like this then we'll put up with it.
Alan is enjoying himself but we're all conscious we really want to get naked.
We try to gauge the atmos. In retrospect we're thinking too much.
Giggling on a nearby table, 2 pale well-fed girls are sandwiched by two very fit semi-naked men. That's got to be a good sign hasn't it?
It's busy. A good many men are shirtless. But there's definately an attitude.
At this point there is a disturbance behind me and 5 big & mean security guards push their way through the crowd to deal with it.
We meet a girl from Manchester who's been here less than 24 hours and is already off her face. If she had a nose job and different lighting she could be another Julia Louis Dreyfus.
I've decided. With girls like this around we owe it to ourselves to get naked.
The girls seem quite up for it so why not?
I badger Alan and Trevor to get naked.
I can't understand why, despite my constant pestering, they simply won't drop them?
Both lads dance self-consciously wishing I'd stop nagging them. But why the hell won't they get naked?
With the benefit of hindsight perhaps they were right. Just look at the guys in our space giving us a bad vibe...
In part 4 I'm so annoyed with the lack of action that me and Alan make Trevor take things up a gear...
Something happens that he'll never forgive me for.
Prior to leaving for Ibiza I was given the opportunity to scrap the whole idea and stay in the UK filming something organized. You know, with a script !!! But there was one image I couldn't get out of my mind. An image I would regret not at least attempting to film. Late at night, a young man, stripped totally naked, made to wander a busy street and being touched and admired by passing women. I really wanted to see that happen.I know that Trevor had been promising all along that he'd do anything for the film but he'd made promises like that before and broken them. Now his and Alan's reluctance at Bora Bora had given me something I could use as leverage to make him get into the scene I'd wanted all along. My only problem then is, will the reality live up to the fantasy?
We find a quiet spot on the boardwalk where Trevor can strip. The direction he is facing he can see and hear people at the noisy bars ahead of him.
He takes a deep breath and pulls his shorts down. No underwear.
There is a momentary pause as he carefully removes his shorts over his training shoes. By now the people in white sitting on the bench in the background know something is up.
Trevor's clumsiness adds to his embarrassment.
Trevor's mind plays tricks on him. Was that a wolf-whistle?
With his dick and balls swinging in the wind he sets off towards the unsuspecting crowds.
A naked man carrying his shorts doesn't strike me as being properly nude. Does it you?
"Give me your shorts." I say. Trevor has a split second to work out whether he can trust me. I could run off and he'd have to stay nude and get back to his apartment which is 20 minutes away.
He hands me his shorts while checking out the size of his cock.
I hand the shorts to Alan, who is behind me making sure the coast is clear as I walk backwards. Now Trevor can't get dressed if he wants to.
Instinctively he pulls on his penis as if it's going to make any difference. It's too late for him to pull out now and we head off.
We've only been at it a second and already we are attracting attention.
Too early for an endorphine rush Trevor puts on a brave face, his heart pumping and his stomach churning.
He can already see women turning and laughing at him. A chilly sea breeze hits him and his hands feel cold.
Sure that the cold air has just taken inches off his cock he again grabs at it.
He is explaining to the camera what is going on.
The first of many camera flashes goes off.
These 2 ladies heartily approve.
They already have a male friend but Trevor seems to have attracted their attention.
The width of the pavement is about 30 feet, yet this cyclist bizarrely finds himself on a collision course for Trevor's arse! He manages to steer out of the way at the last minute.
In between laughing these 2 ladies chat to Trevor about what he is doing.
Put on the spot Trevor can't think of a sensible reason so he blames me for the prank.
I don't think the women listen to the answer anyway as they are distracted.
The girls are intrigued by this unusual man.
Meanwhile 2 passing ladies stop dead in their tracks and simply stare and smile.
Trevor explains that the main event is yet to occur...walking infront of the bars a little way along.
They give Trevor their approval and wish him good luck.
A round of applause for bravery.
Although pleased with his first encounter the sight and sound of the busy bars again makes Trevor anxious.
His balls rise and fall in his scrotum and little Trevor shrivels up worried about what will happen next.
Trevor explains that the first bar is almost upon him.
Manfully he strides past the open front but can't bear to look people in the eye.
Trevor realises that this is one of the bars we went to on the first night, and now here he is naked.
He receives a few whoops of encouragement.
People wave and shout their approval. Trevor had been worried that he'd meet some aggression doing this, but so far so good.
This lady so intimidates young Trevor by staring him out that he can't look at her.
On the other hand she can take her time eyeing him up.
People shout and scream from all directions and Trevor now starts to get off on it.
At this point Trevor sees many many heads turning towards him and smiling. This is something he has never ever experienced in his life.
His big bush of pubes, dangling dick and tanned body mean no-one can help having a gander.
Clearly the women are as much interested in his bottom as his penis.
This lad wants to feel Trevor up and thinks he can get away with it if he makes a joke of it.
This bar is far too quiet so we press on.
We pass Bar M, where we spent much of the first night and "buzz" some women on a seat outside.
I had no idea EVERY woman keeps a camera in her bag. The lady in the white's eyes dart to his cock straight away.
She finds a reason to talk about it so she can have a good long look.
Trevor wants to walk past them but I tell him to stop.
As usual Trevor has to explain "Why?". I wish we'd worked this out before we started. He should've said we're conducting an experiment to see how far he can walk before someone grabs his cock.
They are Brits and feel the need to show off that they are up for a good time.
Trevor puts up with their mocking him.
Even though he tries to avoid eye contact he can see out of the corner of his eye they are leering and judging him.
Blatant.
What would you do in this situation?
I think they want to take him home.
Another of several female photographers.
Just like chatting in a bar...only you're naked.
Posing for more photos.
They still can't help laughing at the situation.
It's like a joke where the punchline lasts for ages.
Despite the cool air they spy Trevor's cock growing a little.
This chap congratulates Trevor, wishing he had the balls to do it.
It still shocks me how far men outnumber women at these bars.
Little do I know at the time that someone isn't too pleased with all the attention Trevor's attracted.
Trevor tries his best to explain what CFNM is.
He's done his best but the girls really don't seem to understand it or believe it to be true so wave their arms around.
While Trevor poses for another photograph someone in the bar is jealously planning his downfall.
She wants to point at it but only feels comfortable doing it with her finger 3 feet away!
This blonde girl is so taken with Trevor's little arse that she wants to eat it up.
She's not satisfied and comes back for more.
Notice the 2 lads behind Trevor checking out the female attention he's getting.
What a way to push through a crowd?!
Now Trevor has loads of wolf-whistles. Something he's more used to dishing out than receiving.
The crowd are loving it and so is Trevor.
We get to "The Orange Corner" which is the end bar in this strip.
Patiently waiting for the little procession to reach them.
There is only a quiet stretch of pavement ahead and it had been sort of agreed that Alan would take over and strip from here on.
But now Trevor's on a high and orders Alan to go back behind me for a walk back. He can't bear to put his clothes on and wants to do it all again!
Now he's seen the joyful look on girls' faces when they clap eyes on him.
From nowhere out darts another naked man, dancing and swinging his neat little dick and foreskin about.
It's one of the 2 lads from earlier.
If we carry on I wonder how many more men will join in?
He's not really nude of course. He's just given his shirt to his pal and dropped his trousers.
He's tickled Trevor.
Who ate all the pies?
Trevor and this guy together probably look rather intimidating so this woman does her best to ignore them.
Unfortunately no women are dashing up to bite his bum.
His mate grabs hold of him to get on camera.
He decides the show's over.
Yet another cyclist has trouble passing naked guys.
We've become a bit of a side-show,
and kicked off the night in good style for those 2 devilish women on a hen night.
Where do you think she wants to stick her trident?
1 more naked guy and now this girl from earlier wants to flash.
Only she loses her nerve. Oh well, it is CFNM. Then suddenly...
Alan was supposed to be clearing a path through the crowds for me and Trevor AND keep an eye out for the cops. But because we've turned around we don't see 2 policemen on motorbikes coming towards us from the other direction. A shout goes up from the crowd - "Police!".
While Trevor puts on his shorts all the women nearby decide to shield us from the authorities.
I turn off the camera light but I turn around and the cops are already right next to us.
Jackboots. And you can just about make out the side of his bike.
Lots of people take pictures of the police seizing us but one of the cops goes mental, snatching cameras out of their hands.
More cops arrive and their top priority is to get the camera off me.
This guy here demands to know whether I have a license. Of course I don't have a license. I thought this was a relatively free country. One thing that means is we can film in public.
He then asks whether I think what Trevor was doing is "Normal". Another dumb question. I thought they were the police. You know, to stop people breaking the law. Not to stop people doing what he personally thinks isn't "normal". Wanker.
I tell him that Trevor has lost a bet - like I should have to give this fascist any explanation at all - and he just shakes his head like he's my Dad and I've lied about failing a school test. He replies "Please don't tell me that" in Spanish.
All our equipment is bundled onto a bike and I'm prepared to lose it but I want the tape. Alan nudges me and whispers to remove it while he distracts them.
Alan starts talking to them in Spanish while I go and get the tape but they are wise to my plan and tell me off. I leave it running to pick up the sound.
From now on they speak to each other in Spanish. "He's going to get a fine" "Get that tape. He's been filming this completely naked nut."
"Let's fine everyone"
One of them is holding the camera close to his chest and you can make out his "Policia Local" badge.
On the left is Alan in his "Film Crew" shirt. You'll notice that the crowds have disappeared.
"He's wearing a uniform to film him walking from here to over there to take the tape back to England"
"Let's take them all in - all three of them"
"Tell Javier "(presumably their commanding officer) "and he'll confiscate the camera" "They've been filming the main street like crazy. Take them all in."
On their radio: "Alright, we're here on the main street and there are 2 guys filming this nut." Then probably referring to a police van - "We need it now. It's urgent" I'm flattered that we're an urgent case!
"Over here. Come along" "Yes yes. They're crazy. Take them in."
In retrospect the manager of one of the bars no doubt has the direct phone number to the local police and cannot stand anything unusual happening outside his bar so called them up. All the bar manager ended up doing was losing alot of his customers as many of them buggered off at the first sign of the police. Trevor, Alan and I are bundled down to the police station.
